There are few phrases that strike fear into the heart of British commuters quite like: “leaves on the line.”
Every autumn, our nation – capable of landing spacecraft on comets, inventing the world wide web, and putting baked beans in tins – is still brought to its knees by some damp tree droppings.
But not this year. This year, the railway has a hero. Its name? Ctrl Alt Deleaf.
Yes, the people have spoken. In a public vote that saw names like Pulp Friction, Leaf-Fall Weapon, and The Autumn Avenger tossed about like so many brittle sycamore husks, one rose above the mulch. And with 50% of the vote, Ctrl Alt Deleaf was crowned the champion of leaf-busting technology.
These bright yellow monsters – technically called Multi-Purpose Vehicles (MPVs) – do more than just blast away leaves with high-pressure water cannons. They also lay down a sticky sand-based potion to help trains grip the rails. Imagine a cross between a car wash, a Ghostbusters backpack, and a sandcastle builder, but running at 60mph down the tracks.
“It’s a huge issue,” admitted Network Rail’s Tom Desmond. “Everyone laughs at ‘leaves on the line’ as if it’s a pathetic excuse. But the truth is – it makes the rails slippery, really slippery.”
Slippery enough to derail your punctuality, at least. That’s why MPVs cover more than 1.2 million miles each autumn, sometimes running twice a day. Network Rail also sends in tree surgeons and weed-killing squads, just to keep things from turning into a woodland rave by the tracks.
Rail historian Tim Dunn – who helped judge the competition – said the name is not only funny, but a way of making people care about a very unglamorous but very real problem.
“It’s become a trope, hasn’t it? The joke of ‘leaves on the line’. But it’s genuinely a massive problem, worldwide. And if you can raise awareness with a cheeky name, why not?”
Over 1,300 people voted in the naming contest. Some of the honourable mentions included Britney Clears, Buster Grimes, and Itsy Bitsy Yellow Anti-Leaf Machinery. Unsurprisingly, the usual suspects Leafy McLeafFace and Trainy McTrainFace tried to gatecrash the ballot, but were barred for crimes against originality.
Still, Ctrl Alt Deleaf had the final say, rolling triumphantly out of the depot on Friday, ready to do battle with Britain’s greatest natural enemy: wet, flat leaves.
Tim Dunn summed it up: “In 200 years of railway history, trains like the Rocket, the Flying Scotsman and the Mallard have all earned their names. Now Ctrl Alt Deleaf joins them. Glorious.”
