There wis chaos in Glesga’s southside this mornin efter a rogue haggis made a bolt fur freedom fae a butcher’s van.
The hairy wee beastie, described as “round, fast, and angry”, legged it doon Pollokshaws Road jist efter 9am, causin mayhem among commuters and one poor dug that nearly got rolled like a tattie scone.
Local butcher Tam McSporran said: “I’d jist nipped intae Greggs fur a yum yum, left the back o the van open for two seconds, and the next thing—whit?!—the haggis is aff doon the street like it’s chasin the last bus tae Castlemilk.”
Eyewitness Sandra fae Shawlands telt us, “I seen it go roon the corner at full pelt—it had wee legs an aw! I thought I was hallucinating, but the smell o pepper an offal gave it away.”
The creature darted through Queen’s Park, narrowly missin a jogger and terrifyin three weans oan scooters. One wee boy asked his maw, “Mum, is that the thing ye make us eat wae neeps?”—he has since been put aff haggis for life.
Police Scotland issued a brief statement sayin: “We are currently assistin in the search for a wild haggis last seen near Battlefield Rest. Members o the public are urged no tae approach it directly—it’s highly seasoned and easily startled.”
Meanwhile, Tam says he’s no givin up hope: “That haggis cost me £7.99 and was meant fur Big Rab’s Burns Night. If anybody finds it, there’s a free steak pie in it fur ye.”
As of 3pm, the haggis is still oan the run. Locals are bein advised tae secure their tatties and report any suspicious round objects leggin it across the street.
